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✦ Welcome, traveler ✦ The vortex has been expecting you ✦ New: VHS Future Reports now materializing ✦ For entertainment purposes only ✦

Madam Vortex
$19.94

Haunted Object Analysis

That lamp is looking at you. Find out why.

Upload a photo and description of the suspicious object. Our Paranormal Object Assessment Lab returns a full case file: haunt index, resident presence profile, invented provenance, and cohabitation guidelines. Hauntings at Madam Vortex are strictly cozy.

  • Official case file with haunt index (1–10)
  • Friendly resident-presence profile
  • Whimsical provenance report
  • Photo archived with your artifact

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For entertainment purposes only. Readings are AI-assisted fiction, delivered on-site, by email, and as a collectible PDF.

Haunted Object Analysis | Madam Vortex