Frequently Asked Questions

Madam Vortex is a fictional character and this site is an entertainment experience — think of it as an interactive love letter to the weird, wonderful web of 1994. Readings are generated with the help of automated systems and are for fun, not for guidance. (Madam Vortex would like it noted that she considers herself extremely real.)

Please don't. Readings are entertainment — beautifully packaged fiction. For medical, financial, legal, or life decisions, consult qualified humans. The vortex is charming but unlicensed.

Because 1994 is when the vortex first achieved dial-up. Also because we love it. Under the retro chrome, checkout and your account are fully modern and secure — TLS everywhere, payments handled by Stripe, and your data protected per our Privacy Policy.

Three ways, all included: instantly on-site after your purchase, by email, and as a downloadable PDF/PNG artifact you can keep or share. Every reading is also saved permanently to your account library.

If your reading fails to generate or something goes wrong on our end, we'll make it right — regenerate it or refund it. See the Refund Policy page for full details. Refunds are handled by a human, not an automated system.

Any time, in two clicks: go to My Readings → Manage Subscription, which opens the secure Stripe customer portal. Cancellation takes effect at the end of your billing period. No hexes are applied to those who unsubscribe.

Your inputs (dreams, names, object photos) are used only to generate your reading and are stored in your private library so you can revisit them. We never sell your data. See the Privacy Policy for the complete picture.

We're not supposed to talk about the Aries signal. If you've seen it in the static, the vortex suggests you keep watching the lore pages. Channel 94 occasionally broadcasts things.