Transmission Log: 1994–Present

APRIL 1994 — First contact. Modem handshake lasts eleven minutes. Madam Vortex describes the sound as 'two fax machines falling in love.'

OCTOBER 1994 — The website goes live. Visitor counter installed. It has never been reset, and on certain nights it counts backwards.

MARCH 1997 — The incident. A customer's future report arrives BEFORE they order it. Policy updated: the vortex is asked to please wait.

JUNE 2003 — The Dream Decoding Bureau opens after Madam Vortex successfully decodes 4,000 consecutive dreams about being unprepared for an exam.

AUGUST 2011 — A brief signal on an unlisted channel broadcasts what appears to be a constellation — a ram's head, drawn in static. Duration: 94 seconds. Origin: unknown.

PRESENT DAY — Transmissions continue nightly. The butterscotch dish remains full. It is always full. Nobody refills it.